Take A Look at Yourself

Have you ever been told you were snotty? No? Me either... Okay, that was a lie.

Last month, I wrote this post about choices and being happy. I truly feel like I have made a change in my life [especially within the last few months] to be a happier, more positive person.

While sharing my struggles with you all lately, I've received many comments and emails from you all with kind words of my positive attitude throughout such difficult times. Really, the comments mean everything to me. They are uplifting, comforting, and make my day that much better. From the bottom of my heart, thank you, friends!

While making such wonderful changes within myself, I have to admit-- I am still me. Choosing to be happy and positive doesn't mean you change yourself, just your outlook on life. Another thing I must admit? If you don't know me very well, you may mistake my boldness for rudeness. Insert me being told I'm snotty:

To make a long story short[ish], last week at work one of my managers had asked another manager to speak with me about the way I talk to her, and that it was very snotty and I basically yelled at her when I spoke to her, all the time.

I was standing 3 feet from her when she said all of this. My initial reaction was disbelief, and then anger. As I have gotten older, I have learned and now pride myself on holding my tongue and being professional. I couldn't hold my tongue this time. I looked right at her and said very calmly, "I don't yell at you, and I'm sorry if you take it that way", and I walked away. I replayed the situation in my head for the next few hours. I was right- she was wrong. Plain and simple.

As the days went by, I realized that while maybe she is a sensitive person, maybe I too am a little much to handle to somebody that doesn't know me well.

Since that moment that I looked her in the eyes and said what I said, she has been extremely nice to me. I mean a little over the top nice. While it is a bit annoying, I think she realized that I wasn't trying to be rude to her and is just trying to show that she wasn't trying to be rude either.

The entire point of me telling y'all this, is because I think we all need to take a step back every now and then and look at ourselves. We all get comfortable with who we are and we stop trying to improve. Nobody will ever be perfect and there is always room for improvement. Realize that everyone takes things differently.

Be Kind.

Choices

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My entire life I have been a relatively happy person. Growing up, I cannot really remember much about my life that wasn't good. [Other than being a kid-- when everything isn't fair and life just sucks.] I have recently come to realize that there were a few [two] years of my life that I was never happy. From the age of  19-21, my life sucked. Now, when I say that, not everything sucked. I had friends, family, and Raymond, but I was also in a job that I hated, was learning who my real friends were, and had more than one hiccup in my relationship.

Not a day went by at work that I didn't curse the people around me for being [in my eyes] ignorant. I would go to work, do my job, bitch about it, then go home and be miserable for the rest of evening until I had to wake up and do it all again. I remember one of my managers telling me that they had performed our employee evaluations for the quarter, and he told me that the consensus for me was that "I had an attitude". I couldn't believe it. Me? No way! I was always the quiet, polite, don't step on toes kind of girl.

Then it hit me. I in fact, did have an attitude. And a bad one it was. I was so completely embarrassed and felt like I had let myself down. It was that moment that I realized where this bratty like behavior was stemming from. I worked with a girl that considered herself to be a "bad bitch". She was rude, snarky, wild, and basically didn't give a rat's you-know-what about anyone but herself [or so she pretended]. I wont entirely blame her for my issues, but it was in that moment that I realized how much a person can rub off on another. Before I worked with her, I was happy. I didn't complain about stupid little things, and let the small stuff roll of my shoulders. After working and talking with her every single day for months, I began to take on her life outlook. And boy I'll tell ya, it was a crappy one.

From that day, I realized life was about choices. You are the only person that can make yourself truly happy. The choices you make are the choices that will decide your fate in this world. It is plain and simple, you and God decide the road you will travel down.

Since realizing what a crap-tastic person I had become, my choices in life have changed. I have decided to do what makes me happy, because unless you can do that for yourself, you will never be able to make someone else smile. God has the road mapped out, and it's up to you to choose which turn to make.

In the words of Sheryl Crow, "If it makes you happy, then why the hell are you so sad?"