Take A Look at Yourself

Have you ever been told you were snotty? No? Me either... Okay, that was a lie.

Last month, I wrote this post about choices and being happy. I truly feel like I have made a change in my life [especially within the last few months] to be a happier, more positive person.

While sharing my struggles with you all lately, I've received many comments and emails from you all with kind words of my positive attitude throughout such difficult times. Really, the comments mean everything to me. They are uplifting, comforting, and make my day that much better. From the bottom of my heart, thank you, friends!

While making such wonderful changes within myself, I have to admit-- I am still me. Choosing to be happy and positive doesn't mean you change yourself, just your outlook on life. Another thing I must admit? If you don't know me very well, you may mistake my boldness for rudeness. Insert me being told I'm snotty:

To make a long story short[ish], last week at work one of my managers had asked another manager to speak with me about the way I talk to her, and that it was very snotty and I basically yelled at her when I spoke to her, all the time.

I was standing 3 feet from her when she said all of this. My initial reaction was disbelief, and then anger. As I have gotten older, I have learned and now pride myself on holding my tongue and being professional. I couldn't hold my tongue this time. I looked right at her and said very calmly, "I don't yell at you, and I'm sorry if you take it that way", and I walked away. I replayed the situation in my head for the next few hours. I was right- she was wrong. Plain and simple.

As the days went by, I realized that while maybe she is a sensitive person, maybe I too am a little much to handle to somebody that doesn't know me well.

Since that moment that I looked her in the eyes and said what I said, she has been extremely nice to me. I mean a little over the top nice. While it is a bit annoying, I think she realized that I wasn't trying to be rude to her and is just trying to show that she wasn't trying to be rude either.

The entire point of me telling y'all this, is because I think we all need to take a step back every now and then and look at ourselves. We all get comfortable with who we are and we stop trying to improve. Nobody will ever be perfect and there is always room for improvement. Realize that everyone takes things differently.

Be Kind.

Life Updates

Hi friends! The past couple of weeks, I feel like I have been so out of touch with blog world. Sure, y'all still have three weekly posts to read from me, but what you don't see is the behind the scenes of it all-- and to be honest, there really isn't much to see. I have been quickly typing up a post, or publishing drafts I've had saved for a rainy day when my brain just isn't working [happens a little too often].

On top of my surgery a few months ago, Raymond ended up getting a horrible toothache followed by a miserable sinus infection the next week. His toothache kept him from eating for 2 days and from working for 5. Needless to say, we've felt like we're in the middle of a hurricane these days! Saturday was my first day off in 12 days, and about half of those days we're spent working 12+ hours. I have been busting my butt at work to try and help make up for all of the time we've been missing due to our ailments.

Life lately has been a whirlwind. Physically, mentally, and emotionally, life has been hectic, busy, and as I mentioned before, a little trying at times. No worries though, things are finally starting to fall back into place [slowly, but surely] and eventually I'll be able to spend more time chatting with you lovelies again.

Other than working like a dog, things around these parts haven't been all bad. A couple of updates are definitely in store if you're a nosy blog reader like me and like to know everything about the author...

+ With an entire weekend of free time, I decided that it was going to be spent doing nothing productive. My plan was to sleep in, nap, rest, spend a little time watching trashy television, snuggling with Guero, and hopefully convincing Raymond to give me a foot/back rub.

+ Saturday we watched the Red River Rivalry and let's just say it didn't go so well for us Longhorns. That's as far as I want to get into it! Dinner out with my honey at our favorite hole in the wall, and then drinks and pumpkin carving at my best friend's house made for a perfect Saturday night.

+ We have a Halloween party to attend next Friday and are seriously struggling to come up with costume ideas. Last year we were white trash bikers but are at a loss for something fun. Anyone have any good ideas or past costumes to share? Please do so!

+ I know I said that I wasn't going to do anything productive, but Sunday morning I woke up and cleaned the heck out of our apartment. Bathroom, kitchen, living room, vacuuming  scrubbing, dishes, laundry-- you name it, I did it. We had friend's coming over for the Cowboy's game [again- let's not talk about this game either], and not having time to really clean in weeks took it's toll and I couldn't bare to have people see our dump of a home.

+ While carving pumpkins Saturday night, my friend Amanda and I were discussing how we wanted to save the seeds so we could roast them and have them to snack on, when we got the weirdest looks from Raymond and our other friends. I know blog world is crazy about all things pumpkin, so I have to ask-- does roasting pumpkin seeds sound foreign to y'all or are my friends the crazy ones? I thought this was something everyone knew about!

+ Today marks week three of four that I was told to wait by the specialist for my wound to heal. He said it would take a lot of patience but if there is no progress within four weeks, another surgery will be in store for me. Well, unfortunately for me, it seems as though things aren't getting any better or closer to healing. To be honest, I'm ready to just have surgery again and hopefully get things moving. I'm tired of being cautious and uncomfortable and this past week, things are getting a little painful. I'm just over and done with being patient!

+ Guero is getting his chi-chis chopped off next Monday and I'm a bit nervous. I don't know if I should stay home with him for a few days or are we okay to go to work as normal? This may sound weird-- but Guero is unlike any animal we've ever come across and he is just, different [in a good way] and I just have weird feelings that he's going to have a difficult time with this. Anyone have any tips or advice on neutering?

+ Fall weather still hasn't graced us yet here in Austin. I'm constantly wearing my Christmas pajamas and socks and burning my fall candles, but it just isn't enough to make up for the heat.

+ I have had a few readers email me in regards to my I Am The Girl posts [edition one and two]. I am SO thrilled that y'all love them and the idea of them so much so that you want to do them as well! I have created a button that I would really appreciate you add to any IATG posts you decide to write. I believe we all deserve credit where credit is due! I am even considering making it a monthly link-up... would you guys be interested in participating?

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I wish I had more fun, awesome events to share with y'all, but when life is hectic, social life takes a back seat. Sometimes it's okay to be boring, though!

What's going on in your neck of the woods? Fill me in, friends!

Choices

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My entire life I have been a relatively happy person. Growing up, I cannot really remember much about my life that wasn't good. [Other than being a kid-- when everything isn't fair and life just sucks.] I have recently come to realize that there were a few [two] years of my life that I was never happy. From the age of  19-21, my life sucked. Now, when I say that, not everything sucked. I had friends, family, and Raymond, but I was also in a job that I hated, was learning who my real friends were, and had more than one hiccup in my relationship.

Not a day went by at work that I didn't curse the people around me for being [in my eyes] ignorant. I would go to work, do my job, bitch about it, then go home and be miserable for the rest of evening until I had to wake up and do it all again. I remember one of my managers telling me that they had performed our employee evaluations for the quarter, and he told me that the consensus for me was that "I had an attitude". I couldn't believe it. Me? No way! I was always the quiet, polite, don't step on toes kind of girl.

Then it hit me. I in fact, did have an attitude. And a bad one it was. I was so completely embarrassed and felt like I had let myself down. It was that moment that I realized where this bratty like behavior was stemming from. I worked with a girl that considered herself to be a "bad bitch". She was rude, snarky, wild, and basically didn't give a rat's you-know-what about anyone but herself [or so she pretended]. I wont entirely blame her for my issues, but it was in that moment that I realized how much a person can rub off on another. Before I worked with her, I was happy. I didn't complain about stupid little things, and let the small stuff roll of my shoulders. After working and talking with her every single day for months, I began to take on her life outlook. And boy I'll tell ya, it was a crappy one.

From that day, I realized life was about choices. You are the only person that can make yourself truly happy. The choices you make are the choices that will decide your fate in this world. It is plain and simple, you and God decide the road you will travel down.

Since realizing what a crap-tastic person I had become, my choices in life have changed. I have decided to do what makes me happy, because unless you can do that for yourself, you will never be able to make someone else smile. God has the road mapped out, and it's up to you to choose which turn to make.

In the words of Sheryl Crow, "If it makes you happy, then why the hell are you so sad?"

Milo, Finn & My Achey Breaky Heart

My heart is absolutely about to burst into a million pieces.

With the start of a new job quickly approaching, I can't keep my mind from thinking about not seeing my boys every day. For the past almost three years I have had the pleasure of seeing their sweet faces. Sure, there are times when I absolutely want to rip out my [enter f-bomb] hair, and times that I have actually been brought to tears of frustration while they run wild around the house, but I cannot imagine my life with out them.

The other evening as I was putting them to bed, Finny grabbed my neck, hugged me, looked me dead in the eyes, and said "I love you Sam-Sam". My heart melted into a puddle of sticky goo and I balled my eyes out while squeezing and kissing the crap out of this once-tiny human. I never wanted to let him go.

There are days I thought would never end, moments I thought I just might lose it. Questions and doubts as to what the proper way to raise these boys was. I've poured my heart out to Raymond about how fantastic [and sometimes awful] they can be. I cannot begin to count the times I have texted Raymond the words "kill.me.now." due to some of meltdowns I have put up with. But the moment I lay my head down to sleep at night, a warm feeling comes over my body, thoughts of them fill my head, and my heart feels like it just might implode with love.

I have been so blessed to be able to create a bond with my cousins that I never would have been able to do without helping raise them on a daily basis. I pray that they have learned, grown, prospered, and will always hold me dear in their hearts. Obviously, they will never fade from mine.