My heart is absolutely about to burst into a million pieces.
With the start of a new job quickly approaching, I can't keep my mind from thinking about not seeing my boys every day. For the past almost three years I have had the pleasure of seeing their sweet faces. Sure, there are times when I absolutely want to rip out my [enter f-bomb] hair, and times that I have actually been brought to tears of frustration while they run wild around the house, but I cannot imagine my life with out them.
The other evening as I was putting them to bed, Finny grabbed my neck, hugged me, looked me dead in the eyes, and said "I love you Sam-Sam". My heart melted into a puddle of sticky goo and I balled my eyes out while squeezing and kissing the crap out of this once-tiny human. I never wanted to let him go.
There are days I thought would never end, moments I thought I just might lose it. Questions and doubts as to what the proper way to raise these boys was. I've poured my heart out to Raymond about how fantastic [and sometimes awful] they can be. I cannot begin to count the times I have texted Raymond the words "kill.me.now." due to some of meltdowns I have put up with. But the moment I lay my head down to sleep at night, a warm feeling comes over my body, thoughts of them fill my head, and my heart feels like it just might implode with love.
I have been so blessed to be able to create a bond with my cousins that I never would have been able to do without helping raise them on a daily basis. I pray that they have learned, grown, prospered, and will always hold me dear in their hearts. Obviously, they will never fade from mine.