Wednesday, September 12, 2012

Choices

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My entire life I have been a relatively happy person. Growing up, I cannot really remember much about my life that wasn't good. [Other than being a kid-- when everything isn't fair and life just sucks.] I have recently come to realize that there were a few [two] years of my life that I was never happy. From the age of  19-21, my life sucked. Now, when I say that, not everything sucked. I had friends, family, and Raymond, but I was also in a job that I hated, was learning who my real friends were, and had more than one hiccup in my relationship.

Not a day went by at work that I didn't curse the people around me for being [in my eyes] ignorant. I would go to work, do my job, bitch about it, then go home and be miserable for the rest of evening until I had to wake up and do it all again. I remember one of my managers telling me that they had performed our employee evaluations for the quarter, and he told me that the consensus for me was that "I had an attitude". I couldn't believe it. Me? No way! I was always the quiet, polite, don't step on toes kind of girl.

Then it hit me. I in fact, did have an attitude. And a bad one it was. I was so completely embarrassed and felt like I had let myself down. It was that moment that I realized where this bratty like behavior was stemming from. I worked with a girl that considered herself to be a "bad bitch". She was rude, snarky, wild, and basically didn't give a rat's you-know-what about anyone but herself [or so she pretended]. I wont entirely blame her for my issues, but it was in that moment that I realized how much a person can rub off on another. Before I worked with her, I was happy. I didn't complain about stupid little things, and let the small stuff roll of my shoulders. After working and talking with her every single day for months, I began to take on her life outlook. And boy I'll tell ya, it was a crappy one.

From that day, I realized life was about choices. You are the only person that can make yourself truly happy. The choices you make are the choices that will decide your fate in this world. It is plain and simple, you and God decide the road you will travel down.

Since realizing what a crap-tastic person I had become, my choices in life have changed. I have decided to do what makes me happy, because unless you can do that for yourself, you will never be able to make someone else smile. God has the road mapped out, and it's up to you to choose which turn to make.

In the words of Sheryl Crow, "If it makes you happy, then why the hell are you so sad?"

3 comments:

Nicole Lynn said...

Girl, I went through the same thing around the same age. my now husband was deployed in Iraq for a year.. My job that I had Once loved turned into hate due to some crappy co workers.. Sometimes, it has to hit you like a ton of bricks to make you realize that this isn't who YOU are! I had to make my own choice to make myself happy.. As I had no control over the deployment situation, I had full control over the rest of my life.
Good for you for figuring it out as well! People suck sometimes though :)

ejayonlife said...

It's amazing how your attitude gets adjusted once you're given the strength to recognize that almost everything bad that happens to you is a choice by you. Wished I had figured it all out when I was your age.

Jenni@Story of My Life said...

Hello fellow Austinite! Thanks for your comment today. :) Very nice to e-meet you!