Irrational Fears

For the past few months, I have been having dreams [err... nightmares?] about the world ending. These dreams are so ridiculously real and then I wake up freaked out of my mind. About a month ago I woke up from one of these dreams, assured myself that all the sun in fact did not implode right in front of my eyes, and went back to sleep. Unfortunately, I fell back into another dream where I had to take shelter on the side of the road with random strangers because there were oh I don't know, 8234485 tornadoes in sight, a gas station blowing up, and aliens dropping from the sky. Random and ridiculous? Maybe. Scary as heck? Absolutely.

While right now I can look back and giggle at myself for getting worried over a few silly nightmares, I really have started to think about all the irrational fears that I actually do have.

Besides the world blowing up in my face, I fear that--

-  One day, I'll be driving down the highway and someone will fire a gun somewhere and it will accidentally pierce through my window and into my head. One minute I will be driving down the road, belting out some Taylor Swift song at the top of my lungs, and the next, there I will be, splat dead in the fast lane of Interstate 35 with no suspect in sight. My murder will forever remain a mystery.

- Keeping with the whole gun/driving theme, my parents once had a guy on the road flash a gun at them through his window. That right there would probably make me faint and/or need a change of shorts. I forever wish I never knew this story, because it absolutely must be the route of my murdered while innocently driving home fear.

- My whole life, I have always known that at some point, I will lose a limb or become paralyzed. Don't ask me why [remember, these are irrational fears we're talking about] but I have a sixth sense about it happening.

Ok, so I know I'm insane and none of this stuff will ever happen, but IF I am ever found keeled over in the middle of the road with a Brittney CD in, just know that CD wasn't really mine.

What are some of your redonkulous fears??

Choices

source unknown

My entire life I have been a relatively happy person. Growing up, I cannot really remember much about my life that wasn't good. [Other than being a kid-- when everything isn't fair and life just sucks.] I have recently come to realize that there were a few [two] years of my life that I was never happy. From the age of  19-21, my life sucked. Now, when I say that, not everything sucked. I had friends, family, and Raymond, but I was also in a job that I hated, was learning who my real friends were, and had more than one hiccup in my relationship.

Not a day went by at work that I didn't curse the people around me for being [in my eyes] ignorant. I would go to work, do my job, bitch about it, then go home and be miserable for the rest of evening until I had to wake up and do it all again. I remember one of my managers telling me that they had performed our employee evaluations for the quarter, and he told me that the consensus for me was that "I had an attitude". I couldn't believe it. Me? No way! I was always the quiet, polite, don't step on toes kind of girl.

Then it hit me. I in fact, did have an attitude. And a bad one it was. I was so completely embarrassed and felt like I had let myself down. It was that moment that I realized where this bratty like behavior was stemming from. I worked with a girl that considered herself to be a "bad bitch". She was rude, snarky, wild, and basically didn't give a rat's you-know-what about anyone but herself [or so she pretended]. I wont entirely blame her for my issues, but it was in that moment that I realized how much a person can rub off on another. Before I worked with her, I was happy. I didn't complain about stupid little things, and let the small stuff roll of my shoulders. After working and talking with her every single day for months, I began to take on her life outlook. And boy I'll tell ya, it was a crappy one.

From that day, I realized life was about choices. You are the only person that can make yourself truly happy. The choices you make are the choices that will decide your fate in this world. It is plain and simple, you and God decide the road you will travel down.

Since realizing what a crap-tastic person I had become, my choices in life have changed. I have decided to do what makes me happy, because unless you can do that for yourself, you will never be able to make someone else smile. God has the road mapped out, and it's up to you to choose which turn to make.

In the words of Sheryl Crow, "If it makes you happy, then why the hell are you so sad?"

Peace Out, Summer

Every spring, I get so excited for summer. That first day where the sun is shining, the sky is clear of clouds, and the temperatures hit 70 degrees-- nothing feels much better.

This year, I feel like I can officially say I hated summer [the weather, not the events]. Other than the few weekends that we spent in the pool or on the lake, this season was miserable for me. Maybe it's because I am getting older. Maybe it was the humidity? I don't really know. Hell, I was too dang hot to be able to think straight. What I do know is that this summer wasn't even close to as hot as last year, but it felt 1000x worse. The thought of having to walk to my car made me want to cry. I don't think I have ever sweat so much by simply just breathing.

If you live some place where the highs only hit 80 degrees, I envy you. Here in Austin, we are thankful when the high is 95.

Friday night, a "cool front" came through bringing our high temps to 91 with a beautiful breeze from the North. Being that this past weekend was our first UT tailgate of the season, I was in heaven! Also, my insane craving for fall was only intensified. For a few months now, I have been on a soup and chili kick, and now I officially will be lighting my pumpkin spice and cinnamon apple candles.

I know the temperatures are going to spike again before the heat officially surrenders for the year, but I don't care. Pumpkin-this and pumpkin-that, I'm coming for you! Sweaters and fluffy socks? You betchya!

Raymond will be [once again] so annoyed by my immense love for the holiday season, and I can't wait to smother him and our home with decor.

Are you looking forward to the cooler/holiday season or do you live for sweet summer time??

Milo, Finn & My Achey Breaky Heart

My heart is absolutely about to burst into a million pieces.

With the start of a new job quickly approaching, I can't keep my mind from thinking about not seeing my boys every day. For the past almost three years I have had the pleasure of seeing their sweet faces. Sure, there are times when I absolutely want to rip out my [enter f-bomb] hair, and times that I have actually been brought to tears of frustration while they run wild around the house, but I cannot imagine my life with out them.

The other evening as I was putting them to bed, Finny grabbed my neck, hugged me, looked me dead in the eyes, and said "I love you Sam-Sam". My heart melted into a puddle of sticky goo and I balled my eyes out while squeezing and kissing the crap out of this once-tiny human. I never wanted to let him go.

There are days I thought would never end, moments I thought I just might lose it. Questions and doubts as to what the proper way to raise these boys was. I've poured my heart out to Raymond about how fantastic [and sometimes awful] they can be. I cannot begin to count the times I have texted Raymond the words "kill.me.now." due to some of meltdowns I have put up with. But the moment I lay my head down to sleep at night, a warm feeling comes over my body, thoughts of them fill my head, and my heart feels like it just might implode with love.

I have been so blessed to be able to create a bond with my cousins that I never would have been able to do without helping raise them on a daily basis. I pray that they have learned, grown, prospered, and will always hold me dear in their hearts. Obviously, they will never fade from mine.

Foodie Friday: Cheesy Potatoes

Some may call them scalloped, some may call them cheesy taters... I call 'em freaking fantastic! This recipe is one that's been passed down from my Mema, to my mom, and now to me. To be honest, I'm not sure if this is even the exact way they make them, but it's how I remember it and quite frankly, I make them pretty dang good.

PS- I keep it simple. There really is no way to screw these up.

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Cheesy Potatoes

Prep Time: 40 minutes
Cook Time: 45 minutes

Yields: 10 servings

Ingredients: 

• 2.5 pounds gold potatoes
• 1 bag (2.5 cups) shredded Colby Jack cheese (or whatever kind you prefer)
• 1 cup milk
• 4 Tablespoons butter
• Salt & Pepper to taste

Directions:

Peel and cut potatoes into 1 inch cubes. Par-boil potatoes until a knife can be easily inserted through potato without much force. Layer potatoes, cheese, and salt and pepper into a 9x9 dish. Cube butter into single tablespoon portions, and shove each cube into the potatoes.Pour milk over the potatoes. Cook for 45 minutes at 400 degrees. Enjoy!

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I Am The Girl...

I've noticed a few new readers looming around here lately, so I thought it'd only be fitting for me to tell you all a little bit more about myself. My "Who We Are"  page can only be hold so much information.

I Am The Girl That...

should be a professional daydreamer

would make cupcakes for a living

will go out of her way to return someone's shopping cart

makes her car overheat by performing preventative maintenance [seriously, it just happened this weekend]

is in search of her faith & is learning to let go and let God

can't stand to see Guero get in trouble

ugly cries while reading anything about weddings

is so lucky for the family she has been blessed with

has fallen in love with softball

is so competitive when it comes to games/sports

has too many irrational fears

needs to learn to stop dwelling on the past

puts family first

whos style changes every other month

who doesn't really even have style

has fallen head over heels in love with the most amazing man

has a wedding board on pinterest, and isn't engaged [admit it, you do too]

gives others the benefit of the doubt more often than not

believes that all people are good & learns the hard way that they're not

cannot stand the word 'epic'

doesn't understand the difficulty in knowing the difference between 'there', 'they're' & 'their'

who hopes that one day she can be as amazing of a mother as hers is

who might just smack someone for an oatmeal cream pie [kidding, but really]

& most importantly

I am the girl that is so thankful you're here reading this blog of mine & I hope that you will stay for a while.

Tell me something about yourself!

Labor Day Family Reunion

As I mentioned before, for the long holiday weekend, we had plans to attend a family reunion. Now while I have heard all about Raymond's family and have met quite a few of them, I met about 100 more this past weekend. Being me, of course I brought my camera but left it in my bag the entire trip. I didn't take a single picture, so I must thank R's sister, Sandra for all of these pictures-- I stole them all from her Facebook. Thanks Chach!

Warning: Prepare for photo dump.

Friday started out with dropping off our puppy (waahh) with my parents and hit the road to Brownwood 3 hours Northwest to pick up R's son (also known as Raymond... we'll call him #3). After swooping him up, another, and another 4 hours in the car, we finally arrived in Uvalde. I tell ya, it never felt better to get out of the dang car! After a quick last-minute dinner around 9:30 p.m. we headed back to our motel. No, not for sleeping... for drinking in the parking lot!


Mother, Brother In Law, Sister, Nephew, Son, Me, Father





Sister, Raymond, Me, Cousin

An early Saturday morning wake up called for a delish breakfast of pancakes and then we headed to run a few errands, and off to the park for a day of hot, sweaty fun. The day was made up of activities including a silent auction (cannot wait to share what we won!), sand volleyball, water relay, obstacle course, and tug-of-war. While it may have been disgustingly hot, the sweat and scorched feet from the sand were absolutely worth it and we had a blast.

Around 4:30 p.m. we all packed up and headed back to the motel to quickly shower and take whatever kind of a nap we could, to be at the hall by 6:00 for dinner, awards, and most importantly the dance.

The night was wonderful and while I wore comfotable shoes, my feet hurt the next day from dancing so much! I am so thankful that Raymond has such a wonderful family. While there may be tons of them, they all do such an amazing job of making me feel comfortable and welcome. I feel like I am already a part of their family and to be honest, there really isn't a much better feeling. The entire time we were there, I found myself thanking God for placing them into my life.